"...happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to 'be happy.'"
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness."
- Viktor Frankl
The meaning of the word happiness is sought by psychologists, philosophers, and even theologians alike. Its definition varies depending on which branch of knowledge you might consult. For some, it means the pleasant emotional condition that one experiences such as pleasure or joy. Or, it can be a person's attitude towards life, the appreciation of life as a whole. But the general idea is that happiness is a positive state of well-being with the appreciation and contentment of the goodness in life.
Time and again we may become challenged when it comes to finding our own happiness. The economic hardship, fear from threats of war, crime, and terrorism, the effects of natural disasters, and now the pandemic, have become hindrances for many to find a positive outlook about the future. There is also a growing number of people that suffers from different mental health illness, some as a result of those hardships felt in one's life.
Many well-meaning individuals, somehow are flowing with positivity that they get to see some of those who feel otherwise and are compelled to give advice on how to end their miserable state, and often you might hear the words "Happiness is a choice, " or "You can choose to be happy." As had been said, they are well-meaning and just want to see the person next to them have the same mental and emotional frame as they have. But there are certain reasons why those words wouldn't make sense or work for the sufferers.
For one, some "sad" people might be suffering from mental illnesses. Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and other mood disruptions are legitimate illnesses. Those who suffer from such conditions are mostly well aware that they have them, but only a small number know how they got them, and most are clueless about how come they suffer from such conditions. They do not choose to have a mental health illness. The suffering of mental health victims is true, and it is more than just being negative. They cannot just bounce to being happy from their depressed state when they are having fits.
Saying "happiness is a choice" as advice is dismissive of the pain someone is suffering. Some people try to comfort others who are suffering without knowing that they are being dismissive of their emotions. Pain, especially emotional pain is only natural when someone is going through hard times. It is valid and should not be dismissed. Acknowledging the pain is the first step to healing for it is a hint that something must be done. It is important to let the sufferer sort out their emotions in their own phase.
It is stigmatizing as it is dismissive. People who have difficulty coping up with negative emotions are deemed different or unusual. It is as if they are not being normal in a way outside their condition and they are prone to be labeled by some. They are being equated to the condition that they have. Sadly, being "not OK" is not OK for many.
There is a term called "toxic positivity" which assumes that the only way of living a life is to focus on the positive side or "the bright side" alone and avoid other difficult emotions. Many people who have that kind of mindset give off the impression that they are immune to negative feelings. But what they only do is ignore their surroundings and the realities around them, often making the negative aspects of their lives bigger and bigger because they fail to acknowledge and process the real problems they might be facing. Also, imagine yourself trying to connect to a person who tends to ignore your pain, fear, sadness, or anxiety. It is simply difficult.
Happiness and joy are not sustained and lasting emotions. They are products of many positive factors and reinforcements around and within a person. And to define a person as a "happy person" implies that she or he is born happy as if it is a natural thing. A positive outlook can be a choice, although not everyone has the same framework of mind and it is more difficult when someone has a mental health condition. Not everyone is alike, and for some, just surviving another day is a struggle.
There are much better ways to help someone who is having difficult emotions without being dismissive of what they are going through at the moment. We may not totally feel what a person is undergoing deep within but we can still provide some help to make them feel better. Here are some things that might help:
• Avoid putting the blame on the person. They might have done something that put them in their situation but pointing it out to them is adding insult to injury, as the cliche goes.
• Be willing to listen. Don't be hasty to give a reply or answer to whatever the person is telling. Listen to understand, not to reply.
• Provide necessary practical help, like accompanying them to a professional if medical intervention is needed.
• Assure them that you will always be there for them.
Achieving happiness is a continuous pursuit. People have different takes on life, and many find it difficult to find positivity in most of their dealings and experiences. What we all need to do is to always show kindness, compassion, and empathy so we can all have found meaning and satisfaction as we go on with our lives.
Is Happiness Always a Choice? by Leandro Angelo Castro is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Time and again we may become challenged when it comes to finding our own happiness. The economic hardship, fear from threats of war, crime, and terrorism, the effects of natural disasters, and now the pandemic, have become hindrances for many to find a positive outlook about the future. There is also a growing number of people that suffers from different mental health illness, some as a result of those hardships felt in one's life.
Many well-meaning individuals, somehow are flowing with positivity that they get to see some of those who feel otherwise and are compelled to give advice on how to end their miserable state, and often you might hear the words "Happiness is a choice, " or "You can choose to be happy." As had been said, they are well-meaning and just want to see the person next to them have the same mental and emotional frame as they have. But there are certain reasons why those words wouldn't make sense or work for the sufferers.
For one, some "sad" people might be suffering from mental illnesses. Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and other mood disruptions are legitimate illnesses. Those who suffer from such conditions are mostly well aware that they have them, but only a small number know how they got them, and most are clueless about how come they suffer from such conditions. They do not choose to have a mental health illness. The suffering of mental health victims is true, and it is more than just being negative. They cannot just bounce to being happy from their depressed state when they are having fits.
Saying "happiness is a choice" as advice is dismissive of the pain someone is suffering. Some people try to comfort others who are suffering without knowing that they are being dismissive of their emotions. Pain, especially emotional pain is only natural when someone is going through hard times. It is valid and should not be dismissed. Acknowledging the pain is the first step to healing for it is a hint that something must be done. It is important to let the sufferer sort out their emotions in their own phase.
It is stigmatizing as it is dismissive. People who have difficulty coping up with negative emotions are deemed different or unusual. It is as if they are not being normal in a way outside their condition and they are prone to be labeled by some. They are being equated to the condition that they have. Sadly, being "not OK" is not OK for many.
There is a term called "toxic positivity" which assumes that the only way of living a life is to focus on the positive side or "the bright side" alone and avoid other difficult emotions. Many people who have that kind of mindset give off the impression that they are immune to negative feelings. But what they only do is ignore their surroundings and the realities around them, often making the negative aspects of their lives bigger and bigger because they fail to acknowledge and process the real problems they might be facing. Also, imagine yourself trying to connect to a person who tends to ignore your pain, fear, sadness, or anxiety. It is simply difficult.
Happiness and joy are not sustained and lasting emotions. They are products of many positive factors and reinforcements around and within a person. And to define a person as a "happy person" implies that she or he is born happy as if it is a natural thing. A positive outlook can be a choice, although not everyone has the same framework of mind and it is more difficult when someone has a mental health condition. Not everyone is alike, and for some, just surviving another day is a struggle.
There are much better ways to help someone who is having difficult emotions without being dismissive of what they are going through at the moment. We may not totally feel what a person is undergoing deep within but we can still provide some help to make them feel better. Here are some things that might help:
• Avoid putting the blame on the person. They might have done something that put them in their situation but pointing it out to them is adding insult to injury, as the cliche goes.
• Be willing to listen. Don't be hasty to give a reply or answer to whatever the person is telling. Listen to understand, not to reply.
• Provide necessary practical help, like accompanying them to a professional if medical intervention is needed.
• Assure them that you will always be there for them.
Achieving happiness is a continuous pursuit. People have different takes on life, and many find it difficult to find positivity in most of their dealings and experiences. What we all need to do is to always show kindness, compassion, and empathy so we can all have found meaning and satisfaction as we go on with our lives.
Photo by Denise Jones on Unsplash
Is Happiness Always a Choice? by Leandro Angelo Castro is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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